Connection Gems

The Connection Gem of the week applies Mindful Compassionate Dialogue to situations in daily life and offers clarity and practical skills. You can find an archive of Connection Gems using the list or search engine below.

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Wise Heart Wise Heart

Practice Life-Serving Boundaries: Skill 3: Articulate 3 non-negotiable boundaries that you hold in any relationship

Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 8: Life-Serving Boundaries, see Skill 1: When saying “no” to someone’s request, identify the needs to which you are saying “yes” and Skill 2: Identify 3 types of useful boundaries.

Skill 3: Articulate 3 non-negotiable boundaries that you hold in any relationship

You get to decide what a non-negotiable boundary is for you in any relationship. You get to decide where you want to invest your energy and where you don't. Identifying a non-negotiable boundary is about asking questions that help you understand your experience and connect with your heart. When you are connected to your heart, you ask questions that reveal what’s truly nourishing and in integrity for you. You also naturally consider the impact of your decisions on others. Being present in your heart isn't about chasing romantic fantasies or trying to make everyone happy. It's about having the courage to face each moment as it is, identifying what's really true for you, and acting on that truth.

Some obvious examples of  non-negotiable boundaries include sticking to particular diet restrictions, such as avoiding peanuts if you have a peanut allergy or taking medication for diabetes if you are diabetic. Non-negotiable boundaries like these inform daily decisions. These medical non-negotiable boundaries are often easily understood and respected by others. 

Non-negotiable boundaries around your emotional well-being tend to be less understood by others, primarily because they are often not communicated clearly.


Practice

Complete the following questions to gain clarity about your non-negotiable boundaries. It may be helpful to have a particular relationship in mind while responding.

  1. Things you won’t do or engage with are…

    • The needs you want to meet or protect regarding each thing you named are…

  2. Things you prioritize and are committed to and will not negotiate are…

    • The needs you want to meet or protect regarding each thing you named are…

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