What Does it Mean to be Sensitive, Not Reactive?

Sometimes the words sensitive and reactive are used interchangeably. When someone says, “Don’t be so sensitive,” they might be frustrated that you're taking something personally which wasn't meant as a criticism or an insult. In this case, both you and the person who demands that you not be so sensitive might feel reactive. But sensitivity and reactivity are not the same thing and don't necessarily go together. 

Reactivity is the misperception of threat and is characterized by escalated physiology, confused thinking, narrowing of perspective, and lack of access to compassion and wisdom. (For more on reactivity, see relationship competencies 5 and 6 or check out our YouTube channel).

Sensitivity could be defined as an ability to perceive and consciously attend to data as it comes through the five senses. It often refers to the ability to attune to energy, thoughts, and feelings in self and others. Sensitivity allows you to connect with life in such a way that emotional responses naturally arise. 

If you have this kind of highly attuned sensitivity, it’s important to set boundaries around what you allow yourself to be in contact with. These might consist of excluding certain kinds of activities, setting life-serving boundaries in relationships, or even setting up energetic boundaries.

If you lack the skill to care for your sensitivity by setting boundaries, then you may experience a fair amount of reactivity. Without boundaries around the kind of stimulation you take in, your nervous system can easily become overwhelmed — leaving you in a state in which you easily misperceive threat. 

You might also develop reactive habits, like suddenly withdrawing or lashing out in order to get relief from an overwrought nervous system.

Sensitivity doesn't involve taking things personally or having intense and loud expressions of emotion, as often occurs when reactivity is present. Rather, it means experiencing simple things deeply. It means that with the blink of an eye you can feel what another feels. Though you may not understand their circumstance or history, you can connect with their universal emotions and needs. You can use this ability to bridge the gap between those who are intolerant to differences and those who have needs for fairness and respect. You can help others find the universal heart in each person, no matter how different they seem. 

As a sensitive person, this is not the time to hide away; but rather, to bring your gifts forward in a grounded way and to share them.

Practice

Take a moment now and rest your attention in your heart. Notice what is present and let your attention rest there for three full breaths. In a way that is authentic for you, send a prayer for wisdom and compassion for all.