Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 7: Needs-Based Negotiation, see Skill 1: Articulate the difference between needs-based negotiation and other common forms of negotiation, Skill 2: Identify and communicate three ways to set up a dialogue for success: state intention, offer reassurance, plan for safety, and Skill 3: State observations, thoughts, feelings and needs in less than two minutes before asking for a reflection back from the other person.

Skill 4: Begin brainstorming requests when there is a clear sense of shared caring and honor of each other’s needs

Sometimes brainstorming a few requests or strategies to meet needs can help relieve tension and add a sense of hope about a way forward. Other times, when empathy hasn’t been received, jumping to strategies can trigger demands, blame, defensiveness, and other forms of reactivity. 

One of the most important things you can learn is to recognize that reactivity is present and the dialogue is stuck, as well as signs that connection is forming and tension is releasing and opening into care, flexibility, generosity, and creativity.

PRACTICE

Cultivate clarity about signs of connection and disconnect. Using the categories of experience identified below, name at least two signs of connection—then name at least two signs of disconnection—for each of the same categories of experience.

Voice Tone and Volume:

Facial Expressions:

Beliefs:

Feelings:

Mental images:

Sensations:

Posture:

Thoughts:

Words:

Behavior: