Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 7: Needs-Based Negotiation, see Skill 1: Articulate the difference between needs-based negotiation and other common forms of negotiation, Skill 2: Identify and communicate three ways to set up a dialogue for success: state intention, offer reassurance, plan for safety, Skill 3: State observations, thoughts, feelings and needs in less than two minutes before asking for a reflection back from the other person, and Skill 4: Begin brainstorming requests when there is a clear sense of shared caring and honor of each other’s needs.

Skill 5: Engage creative brainstorming by restating the needs present for all and then making a list of possible strategies / actions to meet those needs without evaluating, agreeing or disagreeing with any ideas

It’s helpful to begin brainstorming by throwing out any idea no matter how improbable. This helps the mind release from fixed ideas and opens the door for creativity. Reflecting on other times the particular needs at hand were met can help you generate more ideas.

In true brainstorming, you don’t elaborate on your idea and try to get others to understand or agree. Simply throw it out there and let go without looking for a response from the other person.

What feels different in your body when you are truly brainstorming rather than trying to give advice or solve problems?

Here are some examples of language that supports brainstorming and collaboration. This list is taken from the Connection Gem “Relief from Arguing”

1. Let’s start by imagining anything is possible and throwing out even the most bizarre ideas.

2. Let’s slow down and make space for creative ideas to bubble up.

3. Do you have any ideas that would work for both our needs?

4. I want it to work for both of us.

5. What do we need to change for this to work for both of us?

6. I am open to doing it differently from how we planned.

7. I am not insisting on having it my way.

8. Let’s just brainstorm new possibilities first. Let’s make a list of five possibilities without any evaluation of them.

9. Okay, the two most important needs are ______, let’s stay focused on ideas to meet those needs.

10. Are we getting attached to meeting these needs at the same time? What if we scheduled things differently? I can be flexible about when and how my needs are met.

11. Help me understand what’s special about the strategy you are attached to? What needs will it meet? How will it meet those needs?

12. Is there something we have identified as an immovable variable that is actually flexible in this situation?

13. What if we…?

14. Is there another way I could contribute to your need for __________?

15. Let’s recall ways we have met these needs in other circumstances.

16. What if there were absolutely no limits, what would you want to do to meet these needs?

Practice

1.  Identify a situation in which you don’t see a way to have your own and the other person’s needs met. Identify or guess the needs for both of you. Describe the situation with no more than one sentence in the form of a neutral observation.

2. Set a timer for 5 minutes for brainstorming: Starting with the most unlikely, begin writing down as many possible requests or strategies to meet the needs identified. 

3. Set the paper aside and come back to it the next day.

4. Set mental evaluations aside. Read each thing you wrote down while listening for a sense of resonance in your body. Circle each thing for which you felt resonance.

5. Choose one and translate it into a more specific and doable form; that is, include a what, when, where, who, how long, or how often.