Each MCD Relationship Competency identifies 6 Skills, along with specific practices for learning each. For more context about MCD Relationship Competency 5: Recognizing Reactivity, see Skill 1: Define and describe reactivity, Skill 2: Identify the signs of reactivity the moment it arises, and Skills 3 & 4: List from memory the 9 core needs also called “tender needs,” and Skill 5: Identify nourishment barriers.

Skill 6: Identify at least one sign of chronic / unconscious reactivity in yourself

Chronic reactivity refers to a set of mostly unconscious  habits that limit your experience of life and your capacity to engage from expansiveness, wisdom, and compassion. Chronic reactivity is often confused with what you might describe as your personality.

You can find a further description of chronic reactivity here.

Practice

1. Choose a life decision that you regret and have learned from.

2. What tender need were you attempting to protect when you made this decision?

3. What signs can you now identify which indicate that reactivity around that need was guiding your decision making process?

For example:

1. Life decision: I chose to stay in a relationship even though a part of me knew it wasn't right for me 

2. Tender needs:  Love & acceptance 

3. Signs that reactivity was guiding your decision: Each time I thought about leaving the relationship the signs of reactivity were:

• Panic 

• A sense of threat or doom

• A shrinking sensation

• Mental fuzziness and confusion

• Thoughts of not being good enough